Will You Like a Penis, Ma’am?

I recently asked a question on the internet ‘Do women ever wish they had penises?’. A lot of ladies said ‘nah’, and I understand, I totally do. Who in his or her right mind would want a penis, think about those unplanned public erections that you will try to hide by adjusting it with your hands in your pocket.

Unlike the vagina, you can’t hide drugs in your penis. The male orgasm only lasts for about 7 seconds or less, compared to the female orgasm. Who would really want a penis then?.

A few ladies replied that they would fancy having a penis.

Aisha said [and I paraphrase]

Because you can pee wherever. You can get oral sex anywhere, while driving, at a dining table, just whip it out and you’re ready to go

Omo also said it would be the best way to pee, especially in public.

Aaliyah said she’d like to know how guys feel during sex, what makes it interesting for guys.

Atinuke said a big nahh, she’s never wished for a penis.

Ajuka said when she was younger, she always felt a penis would be useful for imposing your will, her brother got away with a lot of shit.

Still, a lot of ladies said ‘nah’. Well, you can’t deny the privileges that a penis gives, less risks of random infections, you can pee on a roadside in pure daylight. It’s a really great appendage.

To make it fair, I also asked if men they ever wished they had vaginas. Understanding a lot of men were raised to shun anything feminine e.g don’t wear pink, I felt like I already knew the answer to that question but here are a few responses I got.

Eniola said ‘some do… they are gay tho’

SOE said he has never wanted one, it will eventually become boring

I’ve often wondered if the chants of inequality are because we have not really taken time to try to wear each other’s shoes, most men have not bothered to see the world from a woman’s view and a lot of women have not bothered to see the world with a man’s eyes.

Personally, I think both genders are fucked, just in different ways.

For instance, in times of war or in sinking ships [aka The Titanic], men are usually sacrificed first, even if men will be saved, it is after the women and children. It is not new knowledge that the world is never kind to men, imagine a scenario where a man gets stranded with a lady in the night by the roadside in a dangerous part of town, any driver that passes by would definitely give the lady a ride before considering the man. This driver could be male or female but he or she will stretch out a helping hand to the woman before thinking of the man. 

The current patriarchal system expects every man to be stoic; as a man, you must learn to be self-reliant and avoid asking for help or looking for someone to talk to, and even when you decide to scream “fuck it, help me!”, you are told to stop whining, and ‘be a man’. This is probably why the male suicide rate is higher than the female’s.

A successful or popular man’s integrity can easily be put into question by one rape or sexual assault accusation, but what happens when a man accuses a woman of rape or sexual assault? Lol, men rarely come out, how do you think Cardi B got away with drugging and robbing various men. Let’s say the man eventually decides to come out, in most cases he will get shunned, or even laughed at.

A young guy in Lagos is an endangered species, if SARS are not beating him up in public, or shooting him for not allowing them to go through his phone illegally, the Police officers are harassing and extorting him because he has dreads. With the high rate of unemployment in Nigeria, getting married is an extreme sport for a young man when you consider the cost of bride price, and the cost of building a family because hey, a man is supposed to provide.

Women are far from left out of the cornucopia of woes that come with gender. The cramps [and in some cases, diarrhea] that they get every month as a reward for not getting pregnant, and when they do get pregnant, the nine months of discomfort with the climax being that they have to push out a screaming bloody creature that has been living rent-free inside them, and this is to name a few.

Truth is at the end of the day, as much as we might try, we can’t just erase decades of ingrained gender roles with a few hashtags. Male or Female, we are both fucked, nobody has it easy, but maybe a little bit of empathy is all we really need.

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