HOW TO FIX A NIGERIAN ROAD

I hate motivational speakers. “Structural optimization is our goal for excellence.” “500 houses have been built with your taxes.” “We are gradually achieving our dream of a metropolitan city as Lagos shall be the landmark for economic development in West Africa.” “Despite the budget deficit we have been able to forge through financial deficiencies and commission a world-class bus stop.” Motherfuckers.

If you ever went to a federal university in Nigeria, you would know the proverbial saying “A is for God.” Well for the hypocrites at the helm of power in the bullies of Africa, showbiz is strictly for them. If they are not underground Oscar holders then one would explain why there was “an emergency structural renovation” on a road that on a normal day would never have been recognized. A road that will deteriorate faster than it was fixed. All because Nicki Minaj was coming to Lagos.

If your ears have been to the ground like I have tried to do with mine about the running of affairs in Lagos city, you would know that money for road renovation can never come out overnight. Money for any contract must have been solicited for months before execution. While they still scrutinise the payment of ghost workers? We will get back to you, please. Who are you? The men who bid for the contracts had to fast on the mountaintop and the one who got it would never tell you he also danced by the riverside. Well, except they were classmates and the contractor agreed to share the proceeds 70:30. You know who gets the 70. Don’t ask me. For the sake of those still in the children’s church, it is said that you have to wet the shrine before the gods answer you. I hope you have been answered.

In a system said to be blessed with resources and thriving from enough alimony from external sources, it is disheartening, to say the least, that basic amenities cannot be fixed for its citizens except when it is an amenity or facility that would affect the image of those in power. Then the solution always comes in less than 24 hours. It is not our choice, sadly it is the lifestyle we have been accustomed to. This life we did not decide to be born into but one destiny conferred on us. With all the trekking I have done in my life, I am certain if I had a choice from heaven as to where I wanted to walk my upbringing, even my enemy would not allow me to choose Nigeria. But here we are, drinking hot Pepsi and jumping in bewilderment. I laugh in the Naija spirit.

From the foregoing, there is not much to say any longer. We know the problems plaguing us, we know we are just pawns in a deeply shovelled chess game. The callousness of the government upon us has, in turn, made our primary instincts pure survival. No care for the neighbour. Ask what happened when they tried to increase the fuel prices in Germany.

However, it is said that if you continue to project an image that is beyond you, a day shall come when you will forget to take the perfect picture. That day, all your efforts will shatter in the twinkle of an eye. The day of reckoning is coming sooner than we think. The day the revolution will roll in play and we would only cry tears of joy. If Macron can come and roads can be fixed, then I suggest we take Queen Elizabeth on a Nigerian tour. All our problems would be solved. Please let us find her twitter handle.

Brothers and sisters, I hope I have been able to convince you, and not confuse you with what it takes to fix a Nigerian road.


Written Ajibola Kolajo.

Adedayo Laketu

Adedayo Laketu is a creative inventor who's interested in curating a New Age for Africa across all mediums.

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