Never Get Busted: How To Pass A Drug Test

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If you work a government job or have parents who ask you to pee in a tube, then this post is definitely for you. If you’re still struggling to grasp the sort of drug test I am referring to, maybe you need to read our beginner guide to smoking weed.

A common question among people who use drugs, marijuana specifically— is “How long will this drug stay in my body?” heroin, LSD and alcohol are all out of your system in a couple of days but it’s different for broccolis. The exact amount of time marijuana stays in the body will vary according to factors like the dose, the person’s age, weight, and sex, physical health, presence of other drugs in the body and even ethnicity.

When you smoke, your lungs absorb THC within 10-15 minutes. This is why smoking hits faster than edibles. The next hour, “THC is metabolized in the liver by microsomal hydroxylation and oxidation catalyzed by enzymes of cytochrome P450 (CYP) complex” (Sharma, Murthy and Bharath, 2012). When professionals mention metabolism in this context, they really mean the break down of cannabis in the bloodstream, they don’t mean the metabolism that keeps you looking fit. For instance, I have a pretty fast metabolism, but that won’t help my body metabolize any THC.

More than 65% of cannabis is excreted in the faeces and approximately 20% is passed in urine. The majority of THC in your body is eliminated in about five days, without you ever lifting a finger but there is still a small trace amount in the body.  This trace amount is the real issue. Cannabinoids can be detected in saliva, blood, urine, hair and nail using various analytical techniques, including immunoassays. Apparently urine is the preferred sample because of higher concentration and longer detection time of metabolites in it. 

It’s important to note that the only way to ensure a 100% negative test is to abstain from drugs; but if you think you’re an outlier, here are a few tips and counter-myths to help you before an expert at beating drug tests.

  • Get same day detox products like Toxin Rid, Mega Clean, Xxtra clean and Aloe Rid. All of these are products that can throw off the sensitivity of the test, when diluted with urine. But you still have to be careful not to buy outdated adulterants; overtime the drug testing industry becomes aware of what these diluters are, and they either begin to screen for them, or they check some sort of composition of the urine that they anticipate will be altered when an adulterant is used.
  • Take 50 to 100 mg of vitamin B2, B12, or B complex to increase the chance of negative results.
  • Schedule your testing around the afternoon.
  • They lied to you. Going to the sauna won’t work, because THC adheres to fat, not water weight. Sorry, you have to burn fat to pass a test.
  • Burn fat. Unfortunately, the more fat cells you have the longer THC lingers in your system. It’s a no brainer, people with less body fat will be able to pass a drug test faster. If you’re applying to jobs or trying to be smarter than your parents/guardians, begin by cutting your body weight preemptively so that THC has less fat to adhere to.
  • The important thing to remember is to drink a ton of water and try to pee it out beforehand. You don’t want to give them concentrated morning piss so get that sh*t diluted. 
  • If you’re a heavy smoker and you want to be sure beforehand, get a powered urine kit.
  • The only method of cheating a drug test with consistent rate of success is by substituting urine, but that isn’t what we all advice you to do. Not today. 

References:

Sharma, Priyamvada , Murthy, Pratima and Bharath, M.M.. National Institute of Health. Fall 2012, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3570572/. Accessed 28 April 2018.

Prof of Pot. http://profofpot.com/body-fat-thc-cannabis-drug-testing/. Accessed 28  April 2018.

Richard Ogundiya

Journalist & Techpreneur. Africa, communications and data.

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