At this moment, you’re probably asking yourself, “what’s wrong with this guy?” or “why’s this guy trying to convince me not to save?” Or I’ve misread you, and you’re here out of pure curiosity. Either way, prepare to rethink your attitude towards your N33,000.
Like many others who live in the world’s poverty capital, I think those who tweet “arbitrary” numbers with captions like “if you’re not saving 20% of your income, you’re wrong” need to be stopped. I also think the worst people online are those who say things like “save 60-70% of your income or prepare for poverty”. So with this piece, I hereby declare my mission to end Kolo culture. For context, Kolo culture refers to simply stashing money in a savings account that does next to nothing for you. I’ll make my case using lyrics from the afrobeats scene. Enjoy.
“Problem no dey finish.”
According to Statista, the average monthly cost of living for an individual in Nigeria is N43,200. In simpler terms, your alawee cannot save you from your problems. To break even, you’ll need at least N10,200 more. Saving 60% of N33,000 (N19,800) cannot magically create this N10,200 you need.
This is where ShowDemCamp in “Myself” off Basketmouth’s Yabasi project offers comfort. Forget the bit where Oxlade speaks on cutting his cloth according to his size— great falsetto, but it’s not for you. Instead, enjoy Ghost’s soothing baritone as he encourages you to seize the moment. There’s so much to spend money on, from the three weeks of stress in camp and PPA wahala to funding basic needs (transport, rent, and food). Indeed, you can’t kill yourself.
“Allow me to enjoy myself.”
As soon as the alawee hits your account, allow the immutable words of ace
singer/songwriter/producer Tekno Miles from his 2020 hit single “Enjoy” to guide your money moves. After all, if you don’t enjoy yourself, who will? Think of it carefully. The banks are out to get you. If you leave your entire N33,000 alawee in your account, the best you’ll get is between 1.1-4.6% at the end of the year. That’s N1,518 at most. You’d have waited for 12 months and suffered through multiple cycles of inflation to earn Uber fare that will only take you from Ikeja Along (National) to Iyana Ipaja.
Your money is going to get exhausted one way or another, so why not live a little? Go out for fresh air in Lagos. Order seafood; you deserve it. Get facials at your favourite spa because NYSC suffering is not a skincare routine. Buy that dress or shoe you’ve been eyeing. Those khakis and jungle boots get so dull— enjoy this life. Plus, if it’s your first alawee, take it to Mammy and enjoy a bottle of Jameson (or three).
“My brother, show me love oh, Onyeoma.”
According to the World Bank, Nigeria receives $16.8 billion in diaspora remittances. Impressive right? But, no one seems to remember those timely texts from siblings towards the end of the month. Texts you must respond to (positively)—the request for an “urgent 2k” here, the advice to be a cheerful giver there. No one emphasises that you have to pay your tithe or make donations to keep the wheels of prosperity spinning. There are simply no numbers for these little remittances.
Now, consider this: according to Statista, the average Nigerian household has 5.06 members. This means that most Nigerian homes have more than three children. If you’re (un)fortunate enough to be the first, you might have to show a little more love than most. In doing this and generally being a “cheerful giver” or “only sponsor,” allow Phyno and Olamide’s hit single, “Onyeoma” guide you.
Bonus: “I want to invest with my money o.”
The wise words of Divine “Shakespeare” Ikubor in his hit song “Beamer” present the most fitting conclusion to this piece. While Rema focused on more outlandish asset classes, it is noteworthy that today’s investment opportunities are boundless. Your investment (not savings) will help you battle the corrosive powers of Nigerian inflation, which currently sits at 17%. It‘s your “urgent 2k” and family billing vaccination. Our parents might’ve “created” wealth by saving money, but I’d like to assure you that in today’s Nigeria, it’s impracticable.
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