I was having a conversation with a friend about kinks and she said that ‘All Kinks Matter’. I begged to differ and her argument was that we don’t choose what we’re attracted to, and I agree with that but only to an extent. I understand that you do not choose your fetishes and that it is okay to have them and to act upon them as long as you’re not causing any real harm. That led me to do a deep dive and share my findings.
What are Kinks?
Kinks are a deviation from the normal but I’m sure no one necessarily knows exactly what ‘normal’ means. Now, there are ranges of kinks, and you might think you don’t have any, but wait till I tell you that even calling your partner ‘daddy’ is a kink. There are ranges, from mild and acceptable, to weird (although calling peoples’ kinks ‘weird’ is frowned upon) and ‘maybe-we-can-look-the-other-way,’ to absolutely unacceptable, and we’ll be exploring some of those, here and now.
Where do kinks come from?
Although no one is really sure where kinks come from, I daresay everyone has a kink.
Some argue that because it is a ‘deviation’ from the social norm, it has to have come from something dark and evil, hence they associate it with trauma, although it has been proven that many people with kinks are just as regular as they come and they were even raised in a healthy environment where they were allowed and encouraged to be creative and non-judgmental.
Some claim that their fetishes originate from sexual abuse. They are usually into consensual non-consent, gagging, extreme breast torture and total submission amongst other kinks. They usually like to have the same things that were done to them and I think that may be, because this time, they have some form of control.
Some just say that we were born that way.
Here’s a list of kinks, ranging from mild to wild and maybe absolutely unacceptable; you get to decide which is what.
- Cannibalism Fetish – the one in which the people get off on activities like pretending to cut people open or lancing their fingers and making someone drink the blood. It could be biting their partners or just eating them out.
- Climacophilia – the one in which the individual is aroused by watching people fall down stairs, or falling down them themselves.
- Formicophilia – the one in which the individuals are sexually attracted to insects like ants, bees, wasps or snails amongst others. They let these creatures crawl on their genitals and enjoy the sexual stimulation caused by their stings or movements. Some people love pain caused by bug bites on their privates, while others just love the slimy contact of animals like frogs, snails, etc. on the sensitive areas of their sexual organs.
- Foot fetishes – the one in which a person gets aroused by touching, licking, rubbing, kissing, sucking, and massaging any part of the foot—from the soles to the arches to the toes to the nails.
- Ingestion Fetish – the one in which men usually get aroused by watching women ingest poisonous substances, then vomiting.
- Necrophilia – the one in which people get arousal from corpses. It could be a living person playing dead, or an actual dead person. Some don’t feel the urge to engage in sexual activity with the corpse, just touching, licking or fantasizing about the bodies does it for these ones. Some are homicidal necrophiles in that they feel the strong urge to have sex with corpses, it drives them to murder.
- Nasolingus – the one in which one is into licking or sucking their partner’s nose and possibly even eating their nasal secretions.
- Voyeurism – the one in which a person gets sexual from watching others when they are naked or engaging in sex acts. It could also include hearing others engage in sexual acts or even being told about other people’s sexual experiences. Some even say that the enjoyment of watching porn is partly voyeuristic.
- Exhibitionism – the one which generally involves revealing body parts that are normally covered or obscured by clothing. Such persons feel sexual arousal at the idea or reality of being seen naked or engaged in sexual activities by others or merely the desire to reveal one’s physical attributes in a sexually alluring or suggestive manner.
- Urophilia – the one which ranges from watching others urinate, being urinated on, urinating on the partners, or drinking one’s own urine. Some go as far as urinating in each other’s mouths or the men urinate in the women’s vaginas.
People should be free to express themselves, and above all, feel safe whilst doing that. In cases where individuals are worried about judgment, there are platforms, kink/fetish websites where they find other people with similar experiences and interests as themselves.
Although kink-shaming culture is in poor taste and should not be tolerated, there are individuals who find pleasure in kinks where their partners aren’t comfortable or can’t completely give consent. Such persons should seek professional guidance because at the end of the day, there’s only a fine line between kinks and mental disorder.