At the end of 2024, Google released the most searched words per country. For Nigeria, the most googled words were “wedding” and “marriage”.
As a Nigerian woman, I did not find that statistic the least bit surprising. While some people on the internet opined that it was a sign that our nation cherished national values, other people analysed how it signalled a lack of continual innovation from the masses.
The reality is that Nigeria as a nation indeed values being married…and staying married. This reality can be argued to be most felt and pushed in religious spaces such as churches and mosques. What this has done is create an interesting kind of rebirth and search for partners for both men and women.
To make it clearer, let us use an illustration. It is not uncommon for women known for being jovial, loud, and “party girls” to begin to tone down their personalities as they near a certain age.
The most obvious part of that evolution starts from social media. Women who previously were regular church goers can rebirth as those who deliver Bible verses on submission and being “wifely” as they near 30 with no husband. For some of these women who are feminists, one sees them begin to tweet things that try to position them as not being extreme or man-hating. This pattern of rebranding for marriage is sometimes joked about as the party girl to Jesus baby pipeline.
But beware of judging these women and calling them hypocrites because a rebirth also occurs in some men. As some men near certain ages, it is also not unusual to see them desire to marry. However, the motivations behind the religious rebirth of men and women can sometimes be different. Some atheist men, having criticised religion, will also make it known to all that, in marrying a woman, it is a woman raised in the church that he would be most delighted by.
This is because they want a woman raised on the values of submission who would see his male benefits, such as headship, never questioned. Even irreligious women have the shorter end of the stick when dating because some men still hold these beliefs regardless of their alliances with seemingly progressive ideologies.
Again, beware of pointing a finger at the hypocrisy of the men above because even in religious spaces, this evolution occurs in other men. Men who were lukewarm Christians may find themselves changing churches or performing spiritual devotion online, and for some, all of this is to ensure they present as saved and reformed enough to be with a Christian woman. Some may not even be committed to spiritual matters, but would become frequent church goers because they desire an often sexually inexperienced and submissive woman.
With Valentine’s Day around the corner, often treated as the second biggest celebration of love after a wedding day, singles are constantly reminded of their status. Love and dating are now measured by how many of one’s material needs can be met by one’s partner and how well they can be displayed on social media.
Vendors sell carefully curated packages. Organizers host Valentine-themed events in every nook and cranny. Everywhere, love is commercialized and displayed. And in the middle of it all, people without partners can begin to feel the need to find one just to fully partake in the celebration.
Ridiculous things are done by those who do not want to be left out. Women beg vendors to curate gifts for them and pretend they are from husbands or boyfriends. Some religious men and women suddenly add fresh momentum to their New Year resolution to find a partner on, before, or immediately after Valentine’s Day.
One cannot help but wonder: has Valentine’s Day become a nationwide deadline for finding true love?
Dating now feels like an aesthetic. For some women, the desire for an odogwu who can foot bills and appear in special mentions has quietly become part of the equation. And in a bid to attract these men, some begin to rebrand. They soften their voices to the tiniest soprano known to man. They act more gently. They drop hints so the man can “take the lead.” They attend femininity classes and, in some cases, become femininity coaches themselves.
“200 ways to attract a man.”
“Laugh like this if you want to keep a man.”
“The red nail theory and how to use it on a man.”
These tutorials flood timelines across social media. The promise is simple: be soft enough, and you will be rewarded. Be desirable enough, and money will follow.
Dating now looks like an old photograph preserved with talc powder, so it does not lose its shine. One BMW keeps the glow intact. Another trip to the Bahamas makes it brighter. The illusion must remain polished.
Romantic love and marriage are things we need to return to the drawing board about. The desperation to be seen, to be admired, to be chosen, to have someone “lord” over you in the name of protection, to turn love into an aesthetic, all of it deserves serious reflection.
Somewhere along the way, love became performance. It became a status, proof of worth. It became something to display rather than something to experience.
Love was meant for intimacy. It was meant for two people choosing each other deliberately, not desperately. It was meant to create a bond so strong it feels atomic. The kind that, if there is an afterlife, would hope to meet again there.
Love was meant to be sacred, not strategic.
And perhaps that is what we must reconsider. Not whether marriage is good. Not whether Valentine’s Day should be celebrated. But whether we have reduced love to visibility, ownership, and performance.
Because when the audience disappears, the flowers wilt and the curated posts stop trending, what remains is the raw architecture of the relationship itself. And if that foundation was built only on desperation or display, it will struggle to stand.
