The Alphabet Mafia is a series dedicated to the queers of Africa. The series intends to show that the lives of queer people are just as textured as everyone else’s. Or just as basic.
Do you remember when your awakening happened?
I can’t remember exactly, I just always knew that I liked women in the same or even more, intense ways than I would like a man.
What is your earliest memory of being bisexual?
I can’t really remember but I think I was 12 when I kissed my cousin. It felt great but I was a child so I did not understand all the other emotions I felt that day. Now when I look back at it, I realize it was more than just kissing my cousin. It was sort of, like opening a portal. But we were caught and it became a major prayer issue in my house. A few years down the line, this cousin of mine got expelled from school for lesbianism–in her final year. After that kiss, there was another one with my friend in secondary school. I was 15 at the time. It was pretty random. We had just slightly escaped being caught for sneaking out of the hostel. I was exhausted from running so I put my head on her shoulder when we sat on her bed. After a few seconds, she asked if I was okay and I said yes. I could feel the tension between us at that moment so I raised my lips to hers and she didn’t resist.
Tell me about your life in relationships.
My first relationship with a woman was with this sweet soul, let’s call her Sandra. We used to hang out a lot and then one day we were curled up in bed together as usual and she asked if she could kiss me. I said yes. That was the beginning of a very short relationship. We didn’t really define things but she was the first girl I had sex with. My current boyfriend is bisexual. Dating a bisexual man is a way different experience. He is more conscious and aware of not only his world but mine as well.
How did things end with Sandra?
We stopped talking. The distance was a factor too.
What do you wish you knew when you dated Sandra that you know now?
I wish I knew how to be more affirmative about what I want. I also wish I could love without holding back. I was holding back a lot because of fear. The fear of hellfire. Religion was messing with me a lot. I was afraid that people would not accept me because of who I chose to love. I was also worried that people were not taking me seriously. I remember talking to a friend once–when I started becoming aware, I told him I was in love with a girl. He said it was cool but also said he’d love to watch us make out. It was as if we existed for his own pleasure. It was really annoying and to date, I find men trying to put themselves in the middle of female relationships.
What’s your closet situation like?
I’m not sure. I think a lot of people have deduced from my social media posts that I am queer. A few people have sent messages on Twitter asking if I’m a lesbian. I think I make a statement about my sexuality in my daily life. So, let’s say I’m halfway out of the closet.
If you could change anything about your life, what would you change?
I would change the homophobia of the past. It was like living in denial of self.
